Some time ago I made this post on Instagram:

I’m not sure where the sudden burst of vulnerability came from or what exactly it stirred in me. I’d like to tell you (or me since I’m pretty sure I’m the only one that reads this) that there has been tons of growth and visible change in the days and weeks since I posted this…………not so much.

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Recently I’ve been pondering this idea of vulnerability. With the resurgence of Dr. Brene Brown’s writing and TED talks on the topic, it has been in my news feeds, in conversations amongst friends, and I find myself pre-occupied with the topic. I often find myself saying, “I’m an open book. Ask me anything. I don’t keep any secrets.” Mostly because of my line of work and the depth in which I ask people to dig into their own emotional and spiritual journeys.

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I can playback every traumatic childhood memory, fill you in on the all of the intricacies of each and every deeply profound trial I walked through, and yet if I’m being honest with you despite my ability to share in great detail I have an ability to share honestly but not openly.

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I possess an un-canny ability to emotionally detach while being brutally honest with you…but not with myself. And until recently I did not think it a problem. Where along the journey did I allow my heart to become callous? Why would I allow people to hear my story but not my heart.

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The simple answer is fear.

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Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of being compared. Fear of being disappointed. Fear of disappointing….. Fear of being known.

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“You are only loved to the degree that you are known.” I am sure that I have quoted this endlessly over the years, twice today in fact.

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Perhaps when it’s all said and done my lack of true vulnerability is more deeply rooted in the shadow that shame has cast on my history. Those ugly whispers that I’ve not quickly enough silenced that say, “Yeah, if only they knew the real you?”

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But what if  they knew? Would they choose to distance themselves? Would they cause me to isolate and live the rest of my days hidden behind the hardened walls of my heart? Would they appreciate my flaws and quirks? Would they celebrate my victories? Would they come to bandage my wounds?

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Vulnerability takes courage. It’s not for the faint of heart. Physical strength pales in comparison to the wherewithal required to venture in the unknowns that vulnerability possess’.

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The life supply of shame is cut-off when you bring it into the light.

This is me bringing mine to the light.

Talking cuts shame off at its knees. What needs to be brought into light in order for you to walk in true freedom, towards all that God has for you and away from the trap of isolation that shame has kept you in?