Family…one word… a multiplicity of emotions.
I have longed for one. The safety of being known, loved, and supported. To be in “it”(the trenches; good, bad and ugly ones) with those who love unconditionally.
I long to be a wife. To care and to serve, not because I am a woman but because I am a lover. To tend to the needs of someone with whom I feel completely safe.
To be fought for. To be protected. To be cherished.
I long to be cherished. And to cherish.
He feels like a mystery, that in one divinely ordained moment I will solve.
I do not know his face, but in the depths of me, I feel as if I know his heart.
Motherhood terrifies me but I know I was made for it. To nurture this tiny, helpless, fully dependent life into a human that feels, and thinks, and influences.
There is an ache deep within me to give myself over fully, mind, soul, spirit and body.
To become one.
One force that will change history. That will change MY history.
I have no fallacies about fairy tales and make believe stories of white picket fences. I’ve lived too long for idealism. But what I do have is hope.
Not a hope for fulfillment because that will come with no man. But hope to fulfill…the dreams in my heart, His heart. To create, and grow, and coincide in this intimate reality that is called covenant.
To be family.