Single Lady Woes

After overhearing an interesting conversation at work today, I have a few things to vent say and since this is my blog I can say them.

soap·box
ˈsōpˌbäks/
noun
  1. a box or crate used as a makeshift stand by a public speaker.
    “a soapbox orator”
    • a thing that provides an opportunity for someone to air their views publicly.
      “fanzines are soapboxes for critical sports fans”

Here are a few observations I would like to state for those of you who have single females in your life, especially if they are in their late 20’s and up.

1- We are completely aware of our relationship status

May seem like common sense but you would be surprised how many times well meaning (usually married) friends make mention of this. Clearly, I know that I am single. I think about it quite often, guaranteed more often than you do.

2- Just because it worked for you does not mean it will work for us

I’ve heard everything under the sun about all the things that I should try and do. Websites, singles mixers, changing my look, finding new hobbies, “putting myself out there”…… again, I know you have the best intentions (or at least I hope you do) but if we haven’t already tried these things there’s a good chance we won’t AND if we have tried these things….they clearly haven’t worked. But thanks anyways.

3- Stop giving us lists of potentials

If we wanted your help in changing our relationship status we would have come to you. Please do not make it your job to find a list of candidates or ask about every single male friend in our lives as potential suitors. I promise you I will not be the one pursuing a dude so there is little to no use in making those suggestions. If you feel strongly led, hold your tongue, pray about it, and then go talk to the dude.

4- Being single is not a disease

Please, Please, Please do not pity your single female friends or treat us like we are diseased when we tell you our relationship status. I can not tell you how many times I’ve heard, “Oh I’m sorry. I’m sure that one day the right guy will come around,” after telling someone I’m single and 30. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SINGLE!!!! Sorry for the yell. Don’t apologize to us or make that poor-you face and gently tap us on the shoulder. That drives me up the wall. There is nothing wrong with being single and there is nothing wrong with me causing me to be single. Ahh, rant over.

5- We are not going to lower our standards to change our status

If you love us, I would hope that you would want the best for us. Our standards are not too high. Our expectations are not beyond the realm of possibility. Because my age goes up, doesn’t mean I deserve less.

We are females. And because of that I promise we have thought and dreamed about our weddings. We been to dozens of them (or for me been IN dozens of them) and I’m still happy to celebrate at each one. We do long for companionship but we are not lacking because we haven’t found it. We have looked long and hard at our lives, we’ve done the heart-work to make sure our intentions are pure and that we would be able to steward them well if a wonderful man did come into the picture.

As much as I can’t wait to be a wife, I’ve been afforded incredible opportunities that, had I been married, would never have been the case. I have traveled across the world. I have been able to fully give myself to my ministry. I have been able to spend tons of time investing into my friendships and I still have the bed all to myself.

So, maybe instead of advice, offer the single gals in your life your support. Celebrate them now, not just when their last name changes.

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