Who am I?

That is a question I have asked myself a lot as of recent.

The past few months have been a whirlwind of growth, heart ache, and infinite amounts of self-realization.  Through it all what I’ve concluded is that I did not know who I was or perhaps I had just forgotten. I mean it’s been years but maybe I was just due for an existential crisis. Regardless, this by far has been the most interesting part of my journey to date.

My first instinct when asked “Who are you?”  is to start mindlessly listing all the stuff that I do. Cool. You do some neat stuff Shan, but who are you outside of what you do?

I don’t think I had ever come to a point where I was faced with having to answer that until the “stuff I do” drastically changed when my employment status did. I was thrust into a deep well of the unknown and it sent me spiraling into the abyss of what seemed to be a potentially purpose-less existence. In all honesty, I would rather cease to exist than to live outside of my purpose. Because really, what’s the point?

That thought alone was sobering. It sent me on a journey of getting to know ME, which for all of you supremely emotionally healthy and stable individuals may sound kind of strange.

As in any relationship, the “getting to know you” process can be incredibly awkward. There have been plenty of times through out this most recent journey of self-discovery where the only word to adequately describe it would be awkward and just down right uncomfortable.

But I’ve given myself permission to grow…to change…to be.

I read this recently and the words have resonated with my soul:

The shifts.

The seasons.

The vulnerability of being- it’s all uncomfortable.

And uncomfortable is not a bad thing.

The stretching, the expanding,

the shedding of stories + stepping into something new-

this is where your life is.

Create a habit of leaning into the uneasiness, a habit of existing

just outside of your own skin, magic awaits you.

 

So here I am in the “Great Be” as I have fondly referred to this season.

And here is what I am being:

  • bold
  • vulnerable
  • sensitive
  • aware
  • known
  • ME.

 

If I may, I’d like to challenge you with the same question.Who are you? Aside from titles and position and tasks lists and accomplishments, at the heart of it all, what makes you… you?

 

 

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